i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
