Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
