The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
