dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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