he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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