what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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