My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
