So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
