It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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