You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
