We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
