why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
