he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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