doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
