come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
