Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
