You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
