I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
