I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
