tell your sister to shave her snatch
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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