wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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