I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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