I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
