seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
