i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
