she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
