And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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