I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
