wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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