I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
