I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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