Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
