ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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