Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
