i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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