I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
