your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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