dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
