I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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