His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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