I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
