Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
