were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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