how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
