We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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