I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
