so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She said her name was "party"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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