my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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