Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
