they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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